My Marathon

I'm pretty sure it was mile 23. Maybe 24.

Either way, I almost cried.

The road to my Marathon wasn't exactly easy. And Yes, just so you know, it was MY marathon. It may have been called The St. George Marathon, but really it was mine.

The decision to run the marathon began as a tiny seed in the recesses of my mind. Like a little sprout of hope, I fed and nurtured it until it took strong roots. At the time, I was grasping desperately for something to work for. Something  that would help me erase the doubt in myself that was also growing after my first lost pregnancy.  I would have never guessed that my lost expectations would eat away at my heart so much. I bet it could have eaten me up if I'd nurtured that instead of my new goal.
But that's life, it'll get you down.
So, it was time for something that would help me prove to myself I was strong, capable and could endure hardships-- a Marathon.

Perfect(because I honestly couldn't think of something more scary to do)

Just registering for the lottery to the race was heart thumping, and I didn't even know if our group would get chosen! Weeks later, when I found out we'd made the cut I acted excited, but what I felt was more unsure than ever. Great Jessica, look what you've gone and gotten yourself into.

Honestly, it was the best idea ever.

I read a few books, researched proper nutrition and asked other runners to give me insight on how I should accomplish my goal. It's pretty simple really.

You run.

Sometimes you run fast.
Sometimes you run slow.
Sometimes you run far.
sometimes you run hills (I do that a lot out here on the coast)
Sometimes you run grumpy.
sometimes you run happy.
You just have to keep running. 
and running.

I didn't miss a single run that summer. I never skimped a mile on a long run and I never once let myself think I couldn't do it.(Thought maybe I shouldn't do it but never couldn't) 
I lost 20 pounds.(Believe it or not) and then I gained back 5, (all muscle I hope). I was also doing strength training and for the first time in my life, I felt strong. I can do hard things.

I put in the work.
I'm positive that's why race day was AWESOME.
I'd followed the plan, I rested when I should and did things exactly as planned during the race. (proper hydration, fueling, etc) I kept telling myself, run steady, keep the pace, save your energy. I kept waiting for that WALL that everyone told me about. The Wall that lingers somewhere between mile 18 and 24 . I was bound to hit it, but I never did.  In fact, it was the realization that I wasn't going to hit it that almost brought me to tears.

(my memory)
At the end of the race the route was back in the city. People lined the streets, cheering for the runners. Cheering for me.  It was at about mile 24 that It suddenly hit me(and I saw)... I was going to do this! I was going to run a marathon. But the best part was, I felt GREAT! In fact, knowing I was so close I thought, hey, why not pick up the pace a bit. (Really) I felt like I was flying. I was passing people like crazy the last mile and a half.  I ran with blurry vision the last mile or so as tears pooled in my eyes. I can do hard things.

I ran a marathon.(In my goal time no less)



 

 

Last Saturday, I sat waiting to hear from my sisters about their race. They were running the St. George Marathon again and I was so green with envy! The rolling and kicking from within my belly was a solid confirmation to me that it was ok that I sat this one out, but I was so jealous they were accomplishing such amazing goals. They did incredible. Both of them achieved a PR(Personal Record) and it sounded like it was a rousing success. Maybe someday in the future I'll convince Ryan that I need to run another full marathon. It's a sacrifice for him as well, since it takes me away on Saturday mornings for long runs. I always start early but when you're running for 2- 3 hours it's hard to start early enough to be back before the kids wake up. His support means the world to me and he has always encouraged me to make and achieve my goals. I promised no Full marathons for a few years, but I see at least one half marathon in the schedule next spring and hopefully Circle the Bay (30K) in August.

I can't even begin to describe how excited I am to run again.

 

Just. Can't. Wait.

 

~Jessica