A dead spider-- a new perspective

There is a dead spider on the floor in my bathroom. Well, not anymore actually, but there was one.

He snuck up on me while I was blow drying my hair. To defend myself I used the one weapon I had available—the hair dryer. I cornered him and then I dried him for a few seconds until I was fairly certain he couldn’t get me anymore. Only then did I feel a small ping of sorrow, it was a rather heartless way to manage the situation. Funnily enough I didn’t immediately clean him up afterwards and for about a week I managed to forget about him and then remember him every time I took a shower. Something compelled me to leave him there that whole time. I couldn’t explain it, I still can’t, but I did eventually clean the bathroom and away went my little dead spider. Its little curled legs were a little reminder that I needed to clean. They mocked me every time I saw them. Oh, cleaning, I’d much rather NOT. That’s how I’ve been feeling lately about writing on the blog-- I’d just rather, NOT. I’d forget about it and then walk by the computer and remember—I should blog. Then, one time when I did sit down and compose a really long post, I saved it and came back the next day and it was gone-- Nil, non-existent, never to be seen again. Put that on top of my NOT interested mood and you get a whammy of a disinterested vibe. I was wreathing in it.

I’ve been scolded a few times for being so lackadaisical about it. I blamed it on being busy, which we are. But I am a firm believer in making time for what you deem important, and I haven’t been making time. I haven’t been making time for a lot of things I deem important. At least not right now. I’ve always been able to fit it all in somehow. Except now, I’ve come to conclude that though I’ve always known I couldn’t do it all, now I just don’t want to. I say that with a smile on my face. The freedom of doing nothing (besides being a Mom:) is so refreshing. No expectations, no pressures. Creativity does not thrive under pressure…and mine felt dismal and slummy. I think it was because I’ve been struggling lately with feeling un-original with my ideas. Being bombarded on all sides via magazines/blogs/pinterest with people oozing creativity was not inspiring me. In fact, it was depressing me. Once I realized what was going on I just took a break from my favorite places of “inspiration”. Not expecting myself to create or do something creative had a wonderful lightening effect on my nerves and pretty soon the creative juices started flowing again. For the first time in a while I actually want to sit at the computer and write. I’ve gotten my sketch book out and felt new ideas muster their way out onto the pages. They may be small—but it’s something. It has only been a little while, but rethinking the many extras in my life has really helped me realize what I do and do not want to fit into it. Dropping them all may have been a bit dramatic but sometimes you have to hit a wall before you realize you’ve just been in the wrong room.

So after refocusing I’m excited to continue to blog. It is a great journal after all, and the grandparents totally dig it too. Besides, I enjoy keeping up with friends this way. I can almost pretend I don’t live hundreds of miles away from most of them as I watch their kids grow and learn and do silly things. I think that is what I want writing/blogging to be about anyway—staying connected.

So, while my creativity issues may be in a bit of a slump, I am working hard to remember that “True originality consists not in a new manner but in a new vision.” –Edith Wharton

Also, if I manage to disappear except for pictures for periods of time, that just means I’m trying to find the right words to share. You know what they say--A picture is worth a thousand words! Besides, sometimes life is just indescribable—at least for me.